I took some time off during the last few months of summer to help my oldest son prepare to leave for college. The “preparing” included the tasks of getting his paperwork in order, purchasing the supplies he needed to move into his dorm, packing & shipping his clothing..etc. but, more than that, it meant spending as much time with him as possible before he left home to start a new life on his own.
I needed to prepare myself too and, honestly, I wasn’t. I’m still not. Nothing can really prepare you for the void you feel when a child leaves home and I’m still reeling a bit. It has been a very difficult time for me. I have not yet been able to go into his room without becoming a sobbing mess. I’m so happy for him but feel such a crazy mixture of emotions. Joy and sadness all at the same time. I miss him terribly but I’m also excited for all that awaits him.
The question “Where did the time go?” keeps playing over & over again in my head. I am sure a lot of you can relate since you have probably asked yourself the same question many times as you go through different stages with your own children. Well, the time flew by in the late night feedings, first steps, first words, bedtime stories, and kissing boo-boos. It snuck past me during homework, carpools, after-school sports, and Spring concerts.
Then time picked up the pace and ran a full-on sprint right through teenage attitude & angst, never-ending laundry, driver’s tests, SAT’s, and college applications. Time was behind the wheel of a big steamroller that came out of nowhere and leveled me..leaving me with even more questions. Was I (am I) a good enough example for him? Did I teach him all of the things he needs to know to make it on his own? Will he be safe? Does he know how much I LOVE him? I mean really KNOW how much? (so much that it feels as if my heart will burst from the size and weight of it) I guess all I can do now is hope and pray that the choices I have made in raising him will help him to make the right choices as he goes forward into adulthood.
I saw this quote recently and it really struck a chord with me, especially now as I enter this new phase of my life; “Parents are often so busy with the physical rearing of children that they miss the glory of Parenthood, just as the grandeur of trees is lost when raking leaves.”(credit Marcelene Cox) Here is where we lose some of that time I mentioned above. We are so caught up in the “business” of being parents that we sometimes forget what a joy it is just to BE a parent. You have to live in the moment with your kids as much as possible or you will miss that “glory”. That’s when time slips right through your fingers. When you don’t realize how truly wonderful it is just to BE the parent of an amazing little being.
If there is anything I can offer as advice to any of you it’s this; Hold hands and skip with your child..I mean literally hold on tight and SKIP! It doesn’t matter how old they are. Be joyful and swing your arms back & forth. Giggle and be silly as you trot along beside them. I made my son skip with me one afternoon during the last week he was at home. Of course, like any 18 year old would, he thought it was ridiculous but (after bribing him with gas money & food) he agreed and let me have my moment of nostalgia.
I skipped down our driveway with my baby boy who is now almost a foot taller than me. The one who used to dance around to Winnie the Pooh songs. The baby who could not leave the house without his stuffed purple dinosaur AND no less than three pacifiers. The one whose fingers and toes I swear I was just counting. The one who started me on my journey into motherhood. I laughed and cried as I remembered how I used to hold his little hand and then looked down to see that my own hand was now the smaller one.
When we finished the little trip back in time he gave me a quick hug and said “Love you Mom”. Then he was off to do what teenage boys do. Something that certainly didn’t involve hanging out with a teary-eyed Mother. So, this is why I am telling you to skip..skip now…. because soon enough, in a blink it seems, they will be skipping down their own path…out of reach of your grasp. Hold on and cherish every single minute with your children…even the tough times. I would give anything for a few more years back.
And I’m crying. My son is starting high school next year but I am already dreading sending him to college. The time just flies so fast!
Tracy, Enjoy this last year and a half with him home. If you need any help with college prep stuff please feel free to send me an email at Momonthemap@gmail.com. Hugs to you Mama!! xo
I could cry. I’m right there with you. My kiddos are growing up too. I have one who will be taking college classes at home, another who is awaiting orders so he knows when he’ll leave for boot camp and my daughter is planning to spend the summer volunteering. You’re right, the time passes so quickly!
Oh my goodness Tonya! Sending hugs and prayers…It’s so hard to see our babies leave.
Aw! I can’t believe this will be me sending mine off some day. Mine are only 4 & 7, so we have a lot of years to go yet, but I know that the day they leave will feel like time has flown.
Hi Jamie..It does go by so so fast. Trying to hold on to as much as I can now with my younger 3..My youngest is the same age as your oldest.
Beautiful Susan, thank you for sharing and the rinder that each day is a gift and to not sweat the small stuff. Xo
Thanks Joy! I have to remember this feeling when things get overwhelming…deep breath in and remember how short lived this time is. Xoxo
Wow Susan, you really struck a chord with me also, I feel all of the above, you wrote it beautifully, no wonder the boys became friends, Barney and Winnie the pooh were loved in this house also!
I can’t even think about those days. You did a great job with Sam, he is a lovely young man! I can’t wait to see all the boys over the holidays. Always available if you need to talk, I love your site also and the pics!
Thank you Anita! I know you know exactly how I feel. David is an amazing young man too and I am so glad they’re friends..it’s a comfort to know that he has friends who have such kind and wonderful families that care about him too! You know we just love David and can’t wait to see the boys soon! xoxo
Beautifully written Susan. And, by the way, you did a wonderful job raising Sam. He is smart, kind, respectful and a joy to be around. I know how proud you are of him. We all are. When Christina, Tommy and Amanda went away to college, Pete and I were so sad – every time I heard that Kenny Chesney (?) song “There goes my life” I bawled like a baby. It will get better Susan. I promise. In the meantime, have fun and enjoy the extra time you will be able to spend with the younger ones at home, and take comfort in knowing you raised an amazing son who will be back before you know it – with dirty laundry, funny stories and new adventures to share..
Thanks Tammy! I know that you know firsthand how quickly those years fly by. If Sam turns out even half as wonderful as your children I will be blessed! 🙂
Wonderful reminder Susan. Beautifully written. Enjoy the moments!
Thank you Kathy! Your advice about your own experience with this has helped me more than you know! xo
Love it. Those college goodbyes are just as hard for the parents as it is for the kids. I don’t think time makes this any easier. I think we just learn to adjust. Beautifully written.
Thank you Lisa! I was a mess while writing it. I have 3 younger children too so I am holding on tight since I know how fast it goes!
Beautiful Susan… You touched on what I’ve been feeling… We are so busy WORKING at parenting that we sometimes miss out on all the sweet, joyful things and fun! i too wish I had a few more years to just enjoy the moments… Hugs to you and keep writing. Love to your beautiful Sam too!
Thanks Lisa! That quote really got me! So true, we forget how amazing it is just to be a parent. So hard to sit back & appreciate the “now” with our kids.
Great post! In rushing to school or football practice or anywhere else, it is easy to forget to just slow down and enjoy it. Always nice to have a reminder.
Thanks Steve! That was exactly my purpose in writing the post. It’s easy to lose those years in the everyday shuffle.
Wiping the tears…such a wonderful post!
Looking forward to reading more!
Thanks Carrie! so hard to put my feelings into words…hope the meaning is understood. I “skipped” in my case but really..skip, dance, sing..whatever it is ..do it now! They grow and go so fast! xo
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